The Other Twenty Percent

I spent Friday and Saturday at the wedding of my wife’s best friend. This event has been a long time coming and I can happily report that the thing went off without any major difficulties. My wife, Amy, was the matron of honor, while my daughter, Devyn, was the flower girl and Nic filled in the role of ring bearer. He didn’t quite buy it when I told him he was the “ring bear” and had to dress up in a furry costume. Smart kid, that one. Anyway, there will be pictures at the end of this post.

One thing from the ceremony, though, gave me something to think about. The preacher was talking about marriage as a 50/50 partnership and said that no successful marriage could be that way. He went on to say that both people entering matrimony should be prepared to give more than they receive, more like a 60/40 split.

As it happens, I think that’s true.

It is possible for a husband and wife to only give 50/50, but that is a recipe for divorce. There’s no margin for error, no wiggle room for when someone feels down or tired or simply bored. Likewise, if one party gives significantly more than the other, frustration will eventually lead to isolation and separation. If both parties give 60%, you end up with an extra 20% over what contitutes a stable marriage. There’s room for variation, for one side to prop up the other side when times are tough and happiness is low. That extra 20% is where the love is. Two people can be married, true, relying on a 50/50 split, but the love and happiness and resilience that leads to a long life together only lies in that little extra. That extra twenty percent, given freely by both sides.

Now, I’m sure you’d rather see pictures than read about marriage, so here you go:

First up is Devyn, flower girl extraordinaire:

Here’s Nic, doing his Frodo Baggins imitation as the Ring Bearer:

Nic again, with Tim the Groom:

My wife, Amy, using an expression she usually saves for when I do something stupid:

Jennifer and Tim, the Bride and Groom (not nearly as cute as my children, but . . . . ):

My oldest daughter, Alex, in her natural position:

The only decent picture of my middle daughter, who decided to be camera-shy that day:

Finally, a nice shot of my three peeps in the wedding:

Sorry, no pictures of me. There are a few on my camera, but as they have me in them, they aren’t good enough to post. Maybe next time.

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