You might be a Kentucky basketball fan if . . . .

Well, it was fun while it lasted, wasn’t it.  I think this was the first year that most of my more hardcore Kentucky fans were saying, or at least thinking, “Hey, we’re young.  I’d be happy to reach the Sweet Sixteen.”  So much for reasonable expectations.  Leave it to Kentucky basketball to exceed expectations in the only year where, possibly, the expectation was NOT an NCAA championship.

I had the misfortune, or fortune depending on how you look at it, to be at work during tonight’s game.  I checked the score as I had a chance but, living in Tennessee now, where football is king, very little was being said about the game, even as I know that across the border the entire state was shut down.  To make things worse, my staff pharmacist is a Butler fan.

Still, there is a lot to be thankful for about the season and a lot to look forward to next year.  Kentucky has one of the top recruiting classes in recent memory coming in and if, somehow, we can buck the recent trend and get some of this year’s players to come back in an effort to finish the job, then we can all go back to being the crazed, unreasonable fans we are known to be.  Right?

In that spirit, I offer these few observations, with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, of course.  My friends who do not live in the Bluegrass probably won’t get all of this, but it’s not meant for them anyway:

If your house has something you call the “John Wall Wall”, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you feel obligated to roll out a mat and bow in the direction of Rupp Arena five times a day, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you can describe, in detail, every play from the 31-point comeback against LSU in 1994, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you periodically cut your wrists to see if you do, indeed, bleed blue, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you have ever thought of renting a panel truck, packing it full of explosives, and driving to the Dean Dome, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If Billy Gillespie has a restraining order out on you, your wife, and your six-year old twin girls, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you think Dick Vitale’s name should always be preceded by the word “that”, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you still wake up in a cold sweat thinking Christian Laettner is standing at the foot of your bed, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you’ve never minded how ugly Jamal Mashburn is, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you feel a pang of nostalgia every time you see Richie Farmer’s name on a gas pump, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you think the final game in the movie Glory Road makes it a horror film, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If your friends complain about bumping their heads on the replica championship banners hanging from your living room ceiling, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you’ve ever called in sick to work from the hangover you got celebrating Cawood Ledford’s birthday, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you believe that only the anti-Christ would have a last name like “Krzyzewski”, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you’ve every said, “The only Mohammed whose ass I wouldn’t kick is Nazr”, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you had to postpone your wedding because of a Sweet Sixteen appearance, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you finished last in your fantasy basketball league because you picked John Wall, DeMarcus Cousins, and Daniel Orton over Lebron James, Chris Paul, and Ray Allen, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you have a life-sized tattoo of Kenny Walker and you’re only 5’10”, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you can’t have sex with your wife unless she puts on a UK cheerleader outfit and you put on your John Pelphrey jersey, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you know who the hell W.W.H. Mustaine is, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you’ve ever had to explain at your child’s school that your son, Adolph, is named after Rupp and not Hitler, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

If you already have a countdown going in your house for next season’s Midnight Madness, you might be a Kentucky basketball fan.

Feel free to add your own in the comments section or email them to me at leesmiley@gmail.com .  I will gladly give credit where credit is due for the ones I use on here.

Advertisements

About Lee Smiley

I write things. Maybe you'll read them.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s